Week 7/15 :Full Purpose of Heart

Christ has given us everything. He's given us an atonement through which we can repent and return to live with Him and The Father again. He's suffered for our pains and sorrows, so He really knows what each individual is dealing with. He's even given us the earth itself for us to live on.  He's descended below all things, and risen above every pain and conflict that has ever existed. He gave the blind man sight, the deaf back his hearing, He even raised people from the dead.

If Christ is so powerful, and so above us, what can we possibly give Him that's of value that He wouldn't be able to just create Himself?

I'm of the opinion that there is really only one thing that quite fits that bill. Ironically, the only  true gift we can give Him is something He's already given us. Its our agency.  Our agency is the only unique thing we can give to Christ.

In class this week, we talked about how the greatest works of God are manifest in the everyday lives of obedient people. For example, the elements don't have the power to decide to follow Christ. When Christ asks the sea to be calm, it has to be, the sea has to listen. Contrary to the elements, we do have a choice. Christ can't force us to "come unto Him." That decision is all on us. Isn't that idea amazing? That after the countless worlds Christ has created, after the infinite atonement He has suffered, the greatest gift we can possibly give Him is to obey and follow Him? And the crazy thing is, if we follow his plea to follow Him, He blesses us with even more. It's not something I totally understand. Christ gives us everything we know, gives us a way to be clean again, and  promises us eternal life if we just follow Him and the Father? It seems almost too good to be true.

Well, if that's my job, that is to come unto Christ, I want to do it as its described in 3 Ne 10:6 and come unto Him with "full purpose of heart." Christ has given us so much, and asked for so little. He promises eternal salvation if we just follow the commandments. Anyways, my point in this is: if Christ is so willing to give me everything, and asks only for my obedience in return, well then, I am going to be the best follower that I know how to be.

As a missionary, I'm going to be subject to A LOT of rules that I'm definitely not used to. And while some of the rule I think may be a little... much... (i.e. you have to wash your car once a week, what the heck is that about?!) I know that my success as a missionary will be highly dependent on whether or not I'm serving and obeying with "full purpose of heart." I'm not saying that washing my car is really going to matter that much, but rather its the attitude I have towards all of the little rules that is going to affect my service  (including whether or not I take car of my car as asked). I really love this next quote, especially as it pertains to missionary work.


"When obedience ceases to be and irritant and becomes our goal, in that moment God will endow us with power." -Ezra Taft Benson

I know that promise is real, and have seen it, at least to some extent in my life already. I'm for sure not a perfect follower of Christ, but, like any other Christian, I'm doing my best. What was that thing that Elder Holland said in General Conference? It was something about how with the exception of Christ, God has only ever worked with imperfect people...ya, He's pretty used to it. The beautiful thing is that every time we mess up, if we recommit to do our best to follow Christ in the future, we are forgiven time and time again. 

Anyways, at the end of the day, if the only thing I can give to Christ is my agency to follow Him, by golly, I want to do it with "full purpose of heart."

Week 14: Charity.

Another long one:)

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things..if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail." Moroni 7 45-46

This is an excerpt from my journal during my second year of Young Women's Girls Camp:
"We just got through with a lesson from one of the sister missionaries. She told us about a ton of amazing ladies that have been in the church and how the grounds are named after them. [My YW leader] got up after she left, and told us that she felt prompted to tell us that there will come a time in our life when we have to decide what kind of person we are going to be. She said the decision may be now, or then years from now, but when it comes, or even before, we should pick someone to model ourselves after."

That day I chose a handful of women that I hoped to be like someday.  That list has been added to many times since I was 13, and it continues to grow. I didn't realize it at the time, but now as I reflect back on those ladies, they all have at least one thing in common. They have all taught me something about charity.

I've thought a lot about what I wanted to post tonight. A few days ago I spent a lot of time reading my old journals looking for specific examples of times when these ladies showed me charity, and I found a lot. Surprisingly, none of them seemed right to include in the post.... I think the reason why none of the experiences felt quite right was maybe because
1. I didn't want to box in my idea of "charity." It's not something you an "arrive" at. Charity, I think, is a lot of things, and  I felt with each combo of experiences I tried, I wasn't able to capture what my actual perception of charity is.
2. This list of ladies is pretty long, there's no way I could include an experience with each one of them that portrayed what they taught me about charity, but there's no way I could just leave one or two out because without them, my perception is totally altered.

Conclusion: Charity is a lifestyle. I don't think that's really news to anyone, but it's something I think is definitely worth thinking about. Maybe the real reason I couldn't find experiences I wanted to write about is because charity can't be rolled up into "an experience."

When I think of my definition of charity, I think of mango cherry popsicles, tutoring in math, and many hours spent rehearsing for performances. I think of giving 12 year-old girls hope that they could become something worth being proud of. I think of standing up for a first-year  news staff member who hasn't quite learned how to work in the system. I think of silly camp songs about cheeseburgers or Noah, odd jobs, and new skills. I think of dead animal rooms with giant moose heads, and eating my first artichoke. I think of the best mom I could ever ask for who was raised by a pretty incredible woman herself. I think of aunts who take me shopping, or support me in my latest money making venture. I think of Christ-centered homes where friends are always welcome.

From rolling on the floor with laughter (sometimes literally), to tearful embraces, to some of the strongest testimonies I've ever heard, these women exemplify exactly what I think it means to be a charitable disciple of Christ.

In my ward each year, every day of Young Womens' camp you were assigned a "secret sister" for the day. Your job was to keep an eye on that sister all day and at the end of the day, all the girls and leaders from the ward stood together in a circle and said the things we noticed  about our "secret sister" or just the things we love about them. One night, when it was my turn to talk about a leader who has had a pretty significant impact on me, I got a little teary thinking about how grateful I am for her influence. That night I recorded this, "How can you possibly express your love to someone you feel so indebted to?"

Isn't that kinda how it works with Christ? He has given us so much, how can we possibly show Him our gratitude when the debt is so big?

I'm no expert, and I'm not sure I'll ever be, but here's one way:

 "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God"  (Mosiah 2:17)

According to the Bible Dictionary, Charity is "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love...the pure love of Christ."

If there's one thing those women have taught me, it's that people, all people, ought to be loved.  Regardless of who they are, or what choices they make, everyone needs someone who believes in them and who is constantly rooting for them. They showed me their love through their constant attitude of charity, and I am so grateful for their examples.

I'm gonna wrap up with this quote by Marvin J. Ashton:

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge, or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

I'm grateful for that YW leader and the challenge she made to me to pick women to model my life after. To me that was an act of charity, and that simple challenge really has made a lasting impact in my life.

Anyways, I hope throughout my life that I will be able to develop a lifestyle of charity, and that eventually I will be able to love people as Christ would have me love them!

Week 13: Because They Were Different

The book of Ether (which is contained in the Book of Mormon) is a record of a civilization who inhabited the Americas called "the Jaredites."  They traveled by barge-like vessels from the Old World to the Americas at the time when the Lord confounded the language at the Tower of Babel. The Jaredites started out as an extremely righteous people. After many years of living in the Americas (like a ton of generations later) the people reverted to wickedness as they sought power through secrecy and deceit. The Lord sent many prophets to call the people to repentance in hopes that they would return to Him and not destroy themselves. For many years the people didn't listen and war spread throughout the people. One of the prophets the Lord called was named Ether.

By the time Ether comes along, people are basically hopeless. Ether tries to get the people to repent many times, but is rejected consistently. Did I mention war is everywhere? Wicked abounds so much that Ether has to hide himself "in the cavity of a rock" just to stay safe.

Years later, the prophet Moroni is called by God, and he abridges the record of Ether (Moroni and Ether were from two totally different societies).  He too lives in a wicked society and has to hide to save his life. He spends many many years alone and has to watch the destruction of his people.

These men didn't have easy lives. Being among the very few righteous people who weren't killed, they had to have been extremely lonely. Moroni often talks about his feelings of inadequacy and weakness. I can't imagine what it must have been like to be the only one left.

Today, I hope these men know what a difference they have made in my life. I'm not sure how we'll all meet up in the next life, but when I get to the other side, I'm excited to shake their hands and sincerely thank them for their faith and perseverance. I want to thank them for not conforming to the wicked practices they were surrounded by, and for showing me that even people as strong as them feel inadequate sometimes. I want to thank them for showing me that you never stand alone when you stand with God.

I want to thank them for being different. 

Elaine S. Dalton provides me with the take away lesson for today. In this last weekend's general conference talking about saints in our day she said, "they made a difference, because they were different."

Moroni and Ether were definitely different from the worlds they lived in, and now that their records are available to us in The Book of Mormon I can only imagine the influence they have had, and will continue to have in years to come. They have surely made a difference because they were different.

I hope that throughout my life, like Moroni and Ether, I will be able to make a difference by being different.

Week 12: I Will Go Before Thee

This post is a lot of words, and probably quite a few typos, so buckle up! 

When the mission call craze first started, I went out to lunch with my good friend (who had just received her call to Brazil), and her brother (an RM). He gave her all sorts of advice on how she should start preparing to leave, and what to expect in the coming months.

He told her that between the time she opened her call and the time she was to report to the MTC, things were going to get a lot harder. Especially in the weeks leading up to her mission, he told her to expect a lot of temptations, distractions, and doubts. He told her work hard and do everything she could to have the Holy Ghost with her because Satan was going to work his hardest to get her to stay home. He told her that Satan and his little demons were very aware that she received her mission call and that they knew how much good she could do, and how much further she could extend the work, and well, he doesn't want that. Basically, he told her to expect opposition.

Ever since I opened my mission call, I've been on my toes waiting for this kind of opposition, and trying to prepare myself against it for when it does finally settle in.

And for a while... nothing.

Maybe it was because of my spiritual high after going through the temple, or maybe it was because I was trying on a ton of cute sister outfits, but it took a really long time for opposition to creep up. And then, slowly it's started to come.

For me, at least so far, it's been doubts and fear, mostly regarding homesickness. I'm pretty much a homebody. I love to travel and go on vacation, but I love coming home. All growing up if me and my friends had to choose whose house to play at, I almost always tried to make sure we'd be at mine. Even now, I live literally 30 minutes away from my parents, see my dad almost every day (I have class in the building he teaches in), and talk to my family everyday and STILL I look forward to going home every now and then. I've heard of a lot of people getting a few weeks/months into the mission and being just overwhelmed with homesickness and coming home.

I don't want that to be me.

Like any other missionary-to-be I want to serve my full mission, full-heartedly. A lot of people have told me that once you're on your mission, you don't really have time to be homesick, and that if you throw yourself into the work, you'll be fine. I totally believe both of those ideas, but I just wasn't finding the peace/comfort I really wanted.

In Book of Mormon class today, we talked about the Jaredites (an ancient civilization talked about in the Book of Mormon). My teacher focused on how the Jaredites were given instruction on what they should do one step at a time. The Lord would give them revelation and then require them to act on that revelation before He would give them more information.

In Ether chapter 1, the people of Jared are preparing to cross the ocean. The Lord tells them to "gather together thy flocks," "seed," and their "families." That's all the instruction they get at this point. The people don't know how to get to the promised land, or what life for them there will really be like. I'm sure they had their doubts. The Lord then says:

"And when thou hast done this thou shalt go...down into the valley which is northward. And there I will meet thee, and I will go before thee." -Ether 1:41-42

This scripture said to me: "Hey Audge, do your best. Prepare in every way you can. Read Preach My Gospel, attend the temple, and just plain work hard. Then, leave on your mission. When you get there, I'll meet you. I've gone before you to Eugene and there is work to be done that I know you can do. Act in faith now, and when you need to know something, I'll tell you."

I'm not sure why that made me feel less nervous about getting homesick, but it did. Today I just needed the reminder that my call to serve a mission is really from the Lord, and that the time and effort I spend away from my family will really amount to something important if I serve faithfully.

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Ether 12:27.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

The Lord knows me. I'm sure once I get on my mission, I'll begin to notice even more of my weaknesses. For now, my weakness is homesickness, but I know that as I exercise faith and humility, I will be able to overcome that.

I'm excited to serve the Lord and bring His wonderful message to everyone I can. I love this gospel, I really do, and I'm grateful that the Lord is willing to have a little faith in me and is willing to put effort into turning me into the tool that He needs me to be.

When the time comes for me to report to the MTC, He will "meet me there" and He "will go before me." How very grateful I am for that promise.

Week 11: They Began

Here we are. Week 11. This past week I started reading Mormon. And it's just sad. Nearly everyone is wicked. They've forgotten the Savior we read about only a few pages ago. In Mormon chapter six, 230,000 people die in one battle, and God doesn't save them because they've forgotten Him. In chapter 2, Mormon recorded that "strength of the Lord was not with us, we were left to ourselves." It is just heartbreaking.

Typically, in the Book of Mormon, every time the people start to be wicked, the pattern goes something like this.
The people turn wicked--> The Lord stops blessing them-->The people realize they were being idiots and become humble and repent-->The Lord blesses them and things are happy again.

Here's why the people never recover from their wickedness this time, "the Nephites began to repent of their iniquity...there began to be a mourning...but behold...their sorrowing was not unto repentance...but rather it was the sorrowing of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin" (Mormon 2: 10-13).

They weren't sincere. They only "began" to repent. They weren't willing to forsake their sins. They weren't crying unto the Lord because they were sorry, they were crying unto Him because they knew that they weren't willing to do all that was asked of them.

My take-home thoughts? I don't want to be just a "beginner." I don't want to "begin" to be a good missionary. I don't want to "begin" to study the scriptures like I know I should. I don't want to "begin" to be a good student...No..... I want to become a good missionary. I want to be someone who studies the scriptures. I want to be a hard worker in my classes.

I want to be a becomer.

Week Ten: Write.

 "Write the things which they have seen and heard...Write the works of this people."- 3 Ne 27:23-24

As an avid journal writer, this phrase popped out almost immediately. I realize that journaling isn't really exactly what Christ is talking about here, but its the best way I can relate this passage to myself. I'm one of those every-night writers, even if its just a few sentences.

For this post, basically what I'm going to do is share a few really good quotes about journaling, and mix in a few thoughts of my own. Here we go!

"Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. Your journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them... Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity."
-Spencer W. Kimball

"You may never be remembered for your superior writing skills, profound insight, or miraculous experiences as a teenager, but you’re the only one who can describe the night you finished the Book of Mormon for the first time, or the flustered feeling you had on your first date, or the smell of fresh roses at your grandpa’s funeral, or anything else in your life. If you’re the only one who benefits from your efforts, that’s enough." - Sept. 2003 New Era

That right there is why I'm so passionate about journaling.  I don't know that my posterity will read my journals, and I'm not even sure that I'd want them to. I write in my journal for me.

 I write because it is the one place where I am completely me. Not to say that the "me" everywhere else is fake, or that I'm trying to trick people, but in my journal, there is no one to impress or let down. No one that will judge or praise, laugh or cry, it is just me. 

I write to remember. I write faith-building experiences so that months or years later when I doubt those promptings or knowledge I recieved, I can read back and remember how very real the Spirit was in that moment of clarity. I write so that when I doubt a decision I made, I can read back and remember exactly why I made the choice I did, and why I felt that way. I write everyday, funny experiences so that when I feel down I can look back and remember exactly where I belong.

I write because I simply never want to forget those people who've shaped my life. I never want to forget the encouraging words, the support, or the listening ear.

"If the writers of the Book of Mormon had recorded their experiences the same way that you do yours, what would the Book of Mormon be like today? Would it have episodes full of intrigue and excitement, like Alma chapters 46–62 [Alma 46–62]? Would it be a deeply spiritual treatise, like 2 Nephi 4 [2 Ne. 4]? Would it be a few brief sentences, like Chemish’s entry in Omni 1:9? Or would it even exist?

Okay, so you’re not writing the Book of Mormon. But chances are, someday someone will read the record of your experiences—your journal. Perhaps it will be your daughter after you die, your great-great-great-grandson doing his genealogy, a gospel scholar looking at what life was like for Church members before the Millennium, or an archaeologist trying to piece together daily life in your town in the late 20th century. Whoever it is, what will they find? Will they find anything?" -Jeffery S. McCellan

It may sound weird, but I have a testimony of keeping a journal. I know that it benefits the writer both now and in years to come.  Whether my journals have reminded me of my testimony, or just made me feel like I'm not alone, I know that keeping a journal has blessed my life. 

Unlike the people Christ is talking to in 3 Nephi, my writings likely won't ever be regarded as scripture, but I know that the principle of keeping a journal is a true one. It's blessed my life countless times; I'm so grateful for Christ's counsel to "write."

Here's a Mormon Message of President Eyring talking about the importance of journal keeping.

Week 8: For With What Judgement Ye Judge

There are lots of things that are easy, but not right.  Here's a couple I think most of us are probably familiar with:
1. Making assumptions about others without the full picture
2. Comparing our weaknesses to other's strengths.

Why is it so easy for us to be so hard on ourselves and each other? Seriously. It's so dumb, but I don't know anyone that would argue that they don't sometimes succumb to these tendencies.

In 3 Ne 11-14 Christ gives a sermon after He is resurrected to the people in the America's.  One thing he councils the people to do is to "judge not." I'm not sure what kind of judgement problems existed in
34 AD, but for us, I think the kind of judgement described in this next quote from President Uchtdorf is what Christ is warning us of (well, actually I know it is, because this next quote is from a prophet, anyways, on to the quote):

 "When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm please apply the following: Stop it."

I like that. Just stop it. Stop the comparing, the evil glares, the snide marks under your breath, and the feelings of resentment whenever a hard memory comes up. Stop wishing their talents were yours, their struggles were yours, or their successes weren't so...successful.

We often quote Jesus saying "judge not" and then feel bad because "judging" such an easy trap to fall into. I wish we heard more often the quote when Jesus says "For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall also be judged" (3 Ne 14:2) followed by "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father is also merciful" (Luke 6:36).

I think we could all use a little more mercy. Mercy in choosing not to hold the grudge, or in choosing not to say that bit of gossip no  matter how juicy it is. Mercy in choosing not to waste time wishing you looked like her, or in choosing not to feel inadequate because your weaknesses are somebody else's strengths.

When we get to the end and its time for our judgement, I think mercy is something we will all be seeking. If we really want to become more Christlike, being more merciful is a great place to start.

"For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall also be judged."

Here's a link to a Mormon Message about judging others that I really like. 

Looking Through Windows


p.s. I realize I skipped Week seven, I'm combining it with week 15, so that'll be here eventually:)