Week 12: I Will Go Before Thee

This post is a lot of words, and probably quite a few typos, so buckle up! 

When the mission call craze first started, I went out to lunch with my good friend (who had just received her call to Brazil), and her brother (an RM). He gave her all sorts of advice on how she should start preparing to leave, and what to expect in the coming months.

He told her that between the time she opened her call and the time she was to report to the MTC, things were going to get a lot harder. Especially in the weeks leading up to her mission, he told her to expect a lot of temptations, distractions, and doubts. He told her work hard and do everything she could to have the Holy Ghost with her because Satan was going to work his hardest to get her to stay home. He told her that Satan and his little demons were very aware that she received her mission call and that they knew how much good she could do, and how much further she could extend the work, and well, he doesn't want that. Basically, he told her to expect opposition.

Ever since I opened my mission call, I've been on my toes waiting for this kind of opposition, and trying to prepare myself against it for when it does finally settle in.

And for a while... nothing.

Maybe it was because of my spiritual high after going through the temple, or maybe it was because I was trying on a ton of cute sister outfits, but it took a really long time for opposition to creep up. And then, slowly it's started to come.

For me, at least so far, it's been doubts and fear, mostly regarding homesickness. I'm pretty much a homebody. I love to travel and go on vacation, but I love coming home. All growing up if me and my friends had to choose whose house to play at, I almost always tried to make sure we'd be at mine. Even now, I live literally 30 minutes away from my parents, see my dad almost every day (I have class in the building he teaches in), and talk to my family everyday and STILL I look forward to going home every now and then. I've heard of a lot of people getting a few weeks/months into the mission and being just overwhelmed with homesickness and coming home.

I don't want that to be me.

Like any other missionary-to-be I want to serve my full mission, full-heartedly. A lot of people have told me that once you're on your mission, you don't really have time to be homesick, and that if you throw yourself into the work, you'll be fine. I totally believe both of those ideas, but I just wasn't finding the peace/comfort I really wanted.

In Book of Mormon class today, we talked about the Jaredites (an ancient civilization talked about in the Book of Mormon). My teacher focused on how the Jaredites were given instruction on what they should do one step at a time. The Lord would give them revelation and then require them to act on that revelation before He would give them more information.

In Ether chapter 1, the people of Jared are preparing to cross the ocean. The Lord tells them to "gather together thy flocks," "seed," and their "families." That's all the instruction they get at this point. The people don't know how to get to the promised land, or what life for them there will really be like. I'm sure they had their doubts. The Lord then says:

"And when thou hast done this thou shalt go...down into the valley which is northward. And there I will meet thee, and I will go before thee." -Ether 1:41-42

This scripture said to me: "Hey Audge, do your best. Prepare in every way you can. Read Preach My Gospel, attend the temple, and just plain work hard. Then, leave on your mission. When you get there, I'll meet you. I've gone before you to Eugene and there is work to be done that I know you can do. Act in faith now, and when you need to know something, I'll tell you."

I'm not sure why that made me feel less nervous about getting homesick, but it did. Today I just needed the reminder that my call to serve a mission is really from the Lord, and that the time and effort I spend away from my family will really amount to something important if I serve faithfully.

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Ether 12:27.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

The Lord knows me. I'm sure once I get on my mission, I'll begin to notice even more of my weaknesses. For now, my weakness is homesickness, but I know that as I exercise faith and humility, I will be able to overcome that.

I'm excited to serve the Lord and bring His wonderful message to everyone I can. I love this gospel, I really do, and I'm grateful that the Lord is willing to have a little faith in me and is willing to put effort into turning me into the tool that He needs me to be.

When the time comes for me to report to the MTC, He will "meet me there" and He "will go before me." How very grateful I am for that promise.

Week 11: They Began

Here we are. Week 11. This past week I started reading Mormon. And it's just sad. Nearly everyone is wicked. They've forgotten the Savior we read about only a few pages ago. In Mormon chapter six, 230,000 people die in one battle, and God doesn't save them because they've forgotten Him. In chapter 2, Mormon recorded that "strength of the Lord was not with us, we were left to ourselves." It is just heartbreaking.

Typically, in the Book of Mormon, every time the people start to be wicked, the pattern goes something like this.
The people turn wicked--> The Lord stops blessing them-->The people realize they were being idiots and become humble and repent-->The Lord blesses them and things are happy again.

Here's why the people never recover from their wickedness this time, "the Nephites began to repent of their iniquity...there began to be a mourning...but behold...their sorrowing was not unto repentance...but rather it was the sorrowing of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin" (Mormon 2: 10-13).

They weren't sincere. They only "began" to repent. They weren't willing to forsake their sins. They weren't crying unto the Lord because they were sorry, they were crying unto Him because they knew that they weren't willing to do all that was asked of them.

My take-home thoughts? I don't want to be just a "beginner." I don't want to "begin" to be a good missionary. I don't want to "begin" to study the scriptures like I know I should. I don't want to "begin" to be a good student...No..... I want to become a good missionary. I want to be someone who studies the scriptures. I want to be a hard worker in my classes.

I want to be a becomer.

Week Ten: Write.

 "Write the things which they have seen and heard...Write the works of this people."- 3 Ne 27:23-24

As an avid journal writer, this phrase popped out almost immediately. I realize that journaling isn't really exactly what Christ is talking about here, but its the best way I can relate this passage to myself. I'm one of those every-night writers, even if its just a few sentences.

For this post, basically what I'm going to do is share a few really good quotes about journaling, and mix in a few thoughts of my own. Here we go!

"Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. Your journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them... Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity."
-Spencer W. Kimball

"You may never be remembered for your superior writing skills, profound insight, or miraculous experiences as a teenager, but you’re the only one who can describe the night you finished the Book of Mormon for the first time, or the flustered feeling you had on your first date, or the smell of fresh roses at your grandpa’s funeral, or anything else in your life. If you’re the only one who benefits from your efforts, that’s enough." - Sept. 2003 New Era

That right there is why I'm so passionate about journaling.  I don't know that my posterity will read my journals, and I'm not even sure that I'd want them to. I write in my journal for me.

 I write because it is the one place where I am completely me. Not to say that the "me" everywhere else is fake, or that I'm trying to trick people, but in my journal, there is no one to impress or let down. No one that will judge or praise, laugh or cry, it is just me. 

I write to remember. I write faith-building experiences so that months or years later when I doubt those promptings or knowledge I recieved, I can read back and remember how very real the Spirit was in that moment of clarity. I write so that when I doubt a decision I made, I can read back and remember exactly why I made the choice I did, and why I felt that way. I write everyday, funny experiences so that when I feel down I can look back and remember exactly where I belong.

I write because I simply never want to forget those people who've shaped my life. I never want to forget the encouraging words, the support, or the listening ear.

"If the writers of the Book of Mormon had recorded their experiences the same way that you do yours, what would the Book of Mormon be like today? Would it have episodes full of intrigue and excitement, like Alma chapters 46–62 [Alma 46–62]? Would it be a deeply spiritual treatise, like 2 Nephi 4 [2 Ne. 4]? Would it be a few brief sentences, like Chemish’s entry in Omni 1:9? Or would it even exist?

Okay, so you’re not writing the Book of Mormon. But chances are, someday someone will read the record of your experiences—your journal. Perhaps it will be your daughter after you die, your great-great-great-grandson doing his genealogy, a gospel scholar looking at what life was like for Church members before the Millennium, or an archaeologist trying to piece together daily life in your town in the late 20th century. Whoever it is, what will they find? Will they find anything?" -Jeffery S. McCellan

It may sound weird, but I have a testimony of keeping a journal. I know that it benefits the writer both now and in years to come.  Whether my journals have reminded me of my testimony, or just made me feel like I'm not alone, I know that keeping a journal has blessed my life. 

Unlike the people Christ is talking to in 3 Nephi, my writings likely won't ever be regarded as scripture, but I know that the principle of keeping a journal is a true one. It's blessed my life countless times; I'm so grateful for Christ's counsel to "write."

Here's a Mormon Message of President Eyring talking about the importance of journal keeping.

Week 8: For With What Judgement Ye Judge

There are lots of things that are easy, but not right.  Here's a couple I think most of us are probably familiar with:
1. Making assumptions about others without the full picture
2. Comparing our weaknesses to other's strengths.

Why is it so easy for us to be so hard on ourselves and each other? Seriously. It's so dumb, but I don't know anyone that would argue that they don't sometimes succumb to these tendencies.

In 3 Ne 11-14 Christ gives a sermon after He is resurrected to the people in the America's.  One thing he councils the people to do is to "judge not." I'm not sure what kind of judgement problems existed in
34 AD, but for us, I think the kind of judgement described in this next quote from President Uchtdorf is what Christ is warning us of (well, actually I know it is, because this next quote is from a prophet, anyways, on to the quote):

 "When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm please apply the following: Stop it."

I like that. Just stop it. Stop the comparing, the evil glares, the snide marks under your breath, and the feelings of resentment whenever a hard memory comes up. Stop wishing their talents were yours, their struggles were yours, or their successes weren't so...successful.

We often quote Jesus saying "judge not" and then feel bad because "judging" such an easy trap to fall into. I wish we heard more often the quote when Jesus says "For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall also be judged" (3 Ne 14:2) followed by "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father is also merciful" (Luke 6:36).

I think we could all use a little more mercy. Mercy in choosing not to hold the grudge, or in choosing not to say that bit of gossip no  matter how juicy it is. Mercy in choosing not to waste time wishing you looked like her, or in choosing not to feel inadequate because your weaknesses are somebody else's strengths.

When we get to the end and its time for our judgement, I think mercy is something we will all be seeking. If we really want to become more Christlike, being more merciful is a great place to start.

"For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall also be judged."

Here's a link to a Mormon Message about judging others that I really like. 

Looking Through Windows


p.s. I realize I skipped Week seven, I'm combining it with week 15, so that'll be here eventually:)