This post is a lot of words, and probably quite a few typos, so buckle up!
When the mission call craze first started, I went out to lunch with my good friend (who had just received her call to Brazil), and her brother (an RM). He gave her all sorts of advice on how she should start preparing to leave, and what to expect in the coming months.
He told her that between the time she opened her call and the time she was to report to the MTC, things were going to get a lot harder. Especially in the weeks leading up to her mission, he told her to expect a lot of temptations, distractions, and doubts. He told her work hard and do everything she could to have the Holy Ghost with her because Satan was going to work his hardest to get her to stay home. He told her that Satan and his little demons were very aware that she received her mission call and that they knew how much good she could do, and how much further she could extend the work, and well, he doesn't want that. Basically, he told her to expect opposition.
Ever since I opened my mission call, I've been on my toes waiting for this kind of opposition, and trying to prepare myself against it for when it does finally settle in.
And for a while... nothing.
Maybe it was because of my spiritual high after going through the temple, or maybe it was because I was trying on a ton of cute sister outfits, but it took a really long time for opposition to creep up. And then, slowly it's started to come.
For me, at least so far, it's been doubts and fear, mostly regarding homesickness. I'm pretty much a homebody. I love to travel and go on vacation, but I love coming home. All growing up if me and my friends had to choose whose house to play at, I almost always tried to make sure we'd be at mine. Even now, I live literally 30 minutes away from my parents, see my dad almost every day (I have class in the building he teaches in), and talk to my family everyday and STILL I look forward to going home every now and then. I've heard of a lot of people getting a few weeks/months into the mission and being just overwhelmed with homesickness and coming home.
I don't want that to be me.
Like any other missionary-to-be I want to serve my full mission, full-heartedly. A lot of people have told me that once you're on your mission, you don't really have time to be homesick, and that if you throw yourself into the work, you'll be fine. I totally believe both of those ideas, but I just wasn't finding the peace/comfort I really wanted.
In Book of Mormon class today, we talked about the Jaredites (an ancient civilization talked about in the Book of Mormon). My teacher focused on how the Jaredites were given instruction on what they should do one step at a time. The Lord would give them revelation and then require them to act on that revelation before He would give them more information.
In Ether chapter 1, the people of Jared are preparing to cross the ocean. The Lord tells them to "gather together thy flocks," "seed," and their "families." That's all the instruction they get at this point. The people don't know how to get to the promised land, or what life for them there will really be like. I'm sure they had their doubts. The Lord then says:
"And when thou hast done this thou shalt go...down into the valley which is northward. And there I will meet thee, and I will go before thee." -Ether 1:41-42
This scripture said to me: "Hey Audge, do your best. Prepare in every way you can. Read Preach My Gospel, attend the temple, and just plain work hard. Then, leave on your mission. When you get there, I'll meet you. I've gone before you to Eugene and there is work to be done that I know you can do. Act in faith now, and when you need to know something, I'll tell you."
I'm not sure why that made me feel less nervous about getting homesick, but it did. Today I just needed the reminder that my call to serve a mission is really from the Lord, and that the time and effort I spend away from my family will really amount to something important if I serve faithfully.
One of my favorite scriptures is found in Ether 12:27.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
The Lord knows me. I'm sure once I get on my mission, I'll begin to notice even more of my weaknesses. For now, my weakness is homesickness, but I know that as I exercise faith and humility, I will be able to overcome that.
I'm excited to serve the Lord and bring His wonderful message to everyone I can. I love this gospel, I really do, and I'm grateful that the Lord is willing to have a little faith in me and is willing to put effort into turning me into the tool that He needs me to be.
When the time comes for me to report to the MTC, He will "meet me there" and He "will go before me." How very grateful I am for that promise.
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